


Memento Mori

by Finnis



Series: sub iove [2]
Category: Persona 3
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Gen, No Plot/Plotless, POV Second Person, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-14
Updated: 2019-12-14
Packaged: 2021-02-18 12:16:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21794125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Finnis/pseuds/Finnis
Summary: Sometimes, you don't need to fully understand a person - or in this case, multiple people - in order to care for them and to protect them.Maybe that's what Minato Arisato has to learn.
Series: sub iove [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1559362
Kudos: 14





	Memento Mori

**Author's Note:**

> i never actually played p3 so... yeah
> 
> title means 'remember that you will die'

**Vi lever blant stjernene**

You suppose it must be around summer now, but then again, you can’t be too sure.

The streets are probably dark, you muse, only illuminated by the milky-white light of the moon shining down upon them. Chirping cicadas breaking through the silence of just another hot evening in July, the heat that has accumulated throughout the day now radiating off the pavement and rising into the cool night air.

It’s just another summer, another chance for them to move on and finally put the events of the last few months behind them. You hope they did, but despite living with them for approximately a year, you feel as if you don’t understand them at all, as if you still were strangers, only connected by being the only ones who were able to fight Nyx, so you really don’t know whether they did or not.

Thinking about your death doesn’t really evoke any bad memories per se; it’s more like a haze obscuring your feelings and opinions about the matter – if you even have any. Speaking of a haze, after the Fall of Nyx, the months leading up to your death had been like that too.

You try to suppress the memory by shaking your head, and refocusing your gaze onto the picture you had created in your head once more. There isn’t a lot to be seen, but it’s still better to let your mind and consciousness wander than to stare at the darkness, which resembles a starry sky if you shut your eyes really hard and then opened them again, in front of you.

Playing the seal definitely is no fun, none at all.

You have no way to tell how much time has already passed, how much more has to pass. Day after day is just the same thing: staring into the endless abyss of darkness, that poises around you, ready to swallow you. You needn’t sleep, you needn’t eat, you just have to keep watch, hold in the being that had tried to force its way out back in January.

But your mind wanders further and further nowadays, and more often than not you find yourself asking if it was really worth it. _Of course it was,_ a small voice inside your head usually answers, _you saved your friends and the whole world._ But what was the price of saving the world? Dying? Being condemned to an eternity of nothingness?

You aren’t sure if you can call yourself alive anymore, being deprived of social interaction like this; but then again, maybe being human means being alone. Yet, even in that case, you aren’t human anymore. Most of the time you don’t even feel the loneliness; it feels more like bliss. You don't really miss company or the conversations you had with your friends, instead choosing to relish in the silence that now accompanies you.

Often, you find yourself wondering where the others have gone. Not Yukari or Mitsuru or Junpei, but those who had ceased to exist. Namely, Akinari, Chidori, Shinjiro, sometimes even Jin and Takaya. Had they suffered a fate similar to your own? Had they moved on to live in the afterlife, whatever it may be like, or had they been reborn? Whatever their fate had turned out to be like, it was probably more enjoyable than your own, not that that was a feat.

Sometimes you wonder what would happen if you abandoned his post. If you just… ceased to be, finally fading out of existence.

Then you chastise yourself for thinking like that, imagining what Fuuka and Yukari and the others would think. 

But you have no clue what they would think, because they’re not here and you’re all alone.

Well, that is kind of untrue.

Of all the people that had died, one person had come across you, had appeared out of thin air and vanished like that, too.

Never in your life – or death – had you imagined Ryoji Mochizuki to be the one who would turn up eventually. 

But he did and the hours _(minutes? seconds? maybe even days?)_ you had spent talking about trivial things and about the world and about the unfairness _(you didn’t perceive it as unfair in any way)_ of your fate had been a relief.

Then he had given you a small, golden coin. _Charon’s obol,_ he had called it, looking expectantly at you. When you didn’t respond, he looked at you disappointedly, and continued. _You may give this to Charon, when the time is right. So you can leave this place and let him bring you to the world of the dead._

You assume you still looked a little forlorn, so he continued, with a soft smile adorning his kind, understanding face.

 _It’s Greek mythology,_ he had said, _didn’t you pay attention in history class?_

But you hadn’t. You had been sleeping, in preparation for your next excursion to Tartarus.

Nevertheless, you had accepted the coin. Ryoji had deposited it in your outstretched, awaiting hand and your fingers had closed around its warm form, heated by your companion’s hand, your thumb running across the smooth surface, the only bump a small, engraved bee.

Right now it’s waiting in your pocket, begging to be taken out and looked at. But you just can’t. You don’t know if what Ryoji told you was merely fiction and mythos, or if it possessed a grain of truth. You didn’t really want to find that out, to be fair. At least not right now.

Maybe after a few millennia, or however long you had to guard this door.

The thought is kind of depressing. Well, not depressing, but it makes a lump form in your throat, constricting your breathing, and you try to get rid of it.

When that fails and the feeling doesn’t diminish, you focus once again on your friends. Try to imagine what they would be up to on a nice summer evening like this. If they still thought about you. Probably not. You don’t know if you should be glad about that or not. You decide not to dwell on it.

You think of Fuuka, small and gentle. Sometimes you imagine you can still hear her, when you shut your eyes and concentrate hard enough. Hear the music you requested her to put on playing through the earphones she had gifted you and her kind voice giving hints and information.

You think of Mitsuru, her stern expression and scolding tone reprimanding you for doubting your purpose and sacrifice. About the great burden that was put upon her shoulders when her father died, about how she shouldn’t have needed to fill his shoes. You regret never being able to put that motorcycle key to use.

You think about Yukari, about her reluctance to let anyone near her at first, especially Mitsuru. You never really showed it, but you’re really glad they got along in the end. You just hope she and Junpei won’t tear each other to shreds, now that you’re gone.

You think of Aigis, and how she settled in the team so well, how she almost became human. How she spent your last moments with you, cradling you in her lap. You do feel sorry for putting her through this ordeal, but you’re also kind of glad that at least one person had shared your memories, had not forgotten everything. Your hand tightens around the coin, and for a moment it feels as if you’re clutching the rough surface of a charred screw. 

You think of Junpei and how you will miss his really bad jokes and banter and his general stupidity. How he had tried to befriend you, how you had worked through your issues _(or rather his issues with you)_ and how all of you had almost lost him. You feel bad for him, losing Chidori and all, but you also appreciate her sacrifice.

You think of Ken, way too young to be involved in such traumatising events. About how he had lost his mother, had become an orphan and you can sympathize with him. Can feel his need to seek revenge and his utter anguish when his wish had been fulfilled. 

You think of Koromaru, about how smart and peculiar that dog had been. He had been an equal and a great friend at that, letting you think in peace but never allowing you to succumb to your worst thoughts, always there to drag you out of a slump. You miss feeling his soft fur beneath your fingers, or feeding him treats from the fridge late at night.

You think of Akihiko, who had been so brave and strong, despite losing the people closest to him. You cannot fathom how he seemed to draw strength out of both losses, but he had always stood strong, never looking back. Maybe, if you had had an older brother, he would’ve been like Akihiko.

You think of Shinjiro, how his death was completely pointless, and you wish he hadn’t died, had instead spared both Ken and Akihiko the grief and regret that accompanied his passing. You wonder if you will ever see him again.

They’re probably eating dinner right now, maybe at one of the beef bowl places. It just seems like something they would do. It feels foolish to hope that they are still friends – after two months of forced talking and pretence, of having forgotten all major events that had made you bond – but you can’t abandon the thought. Maybe they had remembered, maybe Aigis’ reappearance had awoken something in them. 

It feels stupid to miss them. Them, and all your other friends and acquaintances. You don’t understand them, but you’re still connected. It’s a bond that cannot be severed, so maybe you don’t need to understand them. You just need to believe in them. Guilt gnaws on your insides as you remember having contemplated abandoning the seal just mere minutes before.

Maybe you will ask Ryoji how they are doing when – if – he shows up again. He is surely bound to know.

Until then, there is no solace.

**Author's Note:**

> im so tired but my exams are almost over. just... one more week.


End file.
